dEhiN’s Blog

Have you ever felt like you are (at least) two different people? Or perhaps more apropos, that within you resides multiple, polar aspects to your personality? (On a side note, I have always liked that word – apropos. ). I suppose the word polar implies two opposites, like the North and South Poles, so multiple polar aspects might be an oxymoron. And I am not talking about clinical MPD, but rather different desires or motivations within you that don’t reconcile to each other, and shouldn’t coexist together but they do. The interesting phenomenon to behold is how a particular motivation wins out over the others. As far as I can tell, the external circumstance – more specifically, the people around me and the state they are in – either plays the sole factor or a major factor in which motivation(s) arise to the surface. This same factor usually determines which motivation also rules the others.

For example, even though I have an artistic side and a fairly strong right brain, I feel more comfortable expressing my creativity in safe situations. This is partly due to past experiences where the creative within me has been derided. There are times where I have a creative moment, and want to express it. This could be a desire to be dramatic, to draw, create music, dance or creatively write. Yet, depending on who I’m with, I might not feel safe to express that creativity for fear that I will be mocked and derided. Most of the time, in these situations, the fear wins out, and the motivation to suppress the creative desire rules me.

This is also true if the company I’m in has never seen me express myself creatively through a specific medium. The company perhaps is not the deriding type, and yet I will still find it hard to overcome the motivation to suppress my creativity for reasons of fear.

DH