Revelations at 4:30 in the morning! August 9, 2009
Posted by David Hiran Watson in Faith, Gifts / Talents.Tags: gifts, God, intercession, morning, spirituality
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I’ve been thinking and reflecting on intercession lately, especially tonight. My biggest (spiritual) gift is that of an intercessor’s heart. We, the children of God, are all called to intercede. But in the same way we are all called to evangelize, and there are some given the gift of evangelism, so it is with intercession. As far as I can tell, having it given to you as a gift generally means you have more of a heart tuned to that need, that frequency, even more so than others do. Or perhaps it’s not so much even more so, but even more consistently than those who don’t have the gift.
Well, as I mentioned already, I’ve been reflecting on intercession and spiritual sensitivity to the deep needs of others – the very things they don’t share – and the spiritual atmosphere of any environment. Tonight I think God just gave me a new revelation about intercession: interceding, or standing in the gap, for someone can involve just being and not doing.
I have two good friends of mine, a brother in Christ and a sister in Christ, who have been heavy on my heart tonight. If you’ve read any of my previous posts you can probably guess who they are, as they are engaged and they are the leaders of PalmSway.
Yesterday – August 9 – PalmSway had an opportunity to play at a concert at Asaiah Ministries Church, in the Cataraqui area in Scarborough. After the concert, these two friends of mine and I, as we headed back to our church to set up the equipment we had used for the concert, had an opportunity to chat about spiritual things. The bible talks about “as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another”, and that was the type of fellowship and conversation that occurred.
Since that time – actually beginning partway through that time of fellowship – these two were laid on my heart in an intercessory manner. In fact, much of the reason I’m still up at 4:30 in the morning is because I’ve been wrestling with what exactly has been laid on my heart, and what I am to do with it. Praise God there have been times of prayer and intercession even tonight for these two friends. But the sense I get regarding what has been laid upon me is that this is not a one-time prayer regarding something specific in a person’s life. Coming back to my point, as I was wrestling with what to do, and attempting some actions to prepare the atmosphere (to enter into prayer and worship), God struck me with the revelation I mentioned. Needless to say the actions I attempted were not fully working as I kept hitting a certain ‘wall’, which I believe was God stopping me from proceeding in a manner I wasn’t supposed to (at least not tonight).
So Father God I ask for Your guidance Holy Spirit in learning to just be and sit pregnant as it were with an intercessory burden. I pray to know when to move and act and when to sit. I pray for the discernment and understanding to see the intercession occurring in both states – the action and the non-action. Thank You. Amen.
DH
Victory! May 30, 2009
Posted by David Hiran Watson in About Me, Daily Life-Walk, God.Tags: close friends, God's love, moving, SI
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I know it’s been a while since I posted, but I wanted to share what happened tonight and the past couple of days. For those of you who don’t know, one of the struggles I have is with SI – self-injury. To put it bluntly, I cut myself. I had two incidents last year, and three so far this year. I alluded to the first one in a previous post. I had two incidents over the past two days – one Thursday (May 28) night, and the other Friday (May 29) evening. In total I cut myself 26 times on each forearm.
I’m confessing all of this to say the following: God is SO loving and amazing! I shared what I did with three close friends, brothers and sister in Christ – Gabe, Mish, and Bryant. Later in the evening, God set up a meeting with Bryant, Gabe, my pastor, and myself. And through the meeting God spoke to me, showing me what I’ve been doing to myself, what I’ve been allowing to go in my life, and what needs to happen going forward for healing. There was a lot of prayer: my brothers prayed over me, and I prayed to the Father. It’s so precious to me how we can come to God as we are!
Through the prayers and counseling, it came to light that what has been going on in my life has been a spiritual battle. I say it came to light because although I’ve known that I’m in a spiritual battle, I didn’t put two and two together in regard to the depression and the negative thoughts. It didn’t connect in my mind that I’ve been tormented by a demonic spirit trying to keep me focused on the past and the negativity of disapproval. I needed to stop seeing God through the lens of my parents and who they are and how they interact with me, and see God for who He really is.
With the help of my brothers in Christ, I repented, rebuked the tormenting spirit(s), and humbled myself before God again. I have to say: it feels so relieving to humble myself before God. The weight just lifts right off my shoulders, knowing that God is in control again 
.
God, through Bryant, spoke after the prayers about my spirit-man, or inner man, and how I need to feed him and make him strong again. I know it’s not going to be easy though. In fact, sitting here in front of my computer, just before I wrote this post, I was tempted to cut again! Thankfully God spoke to Gabe and Bryant and got them to take the knives I was using away. Anyway, I’m going to end here. If you’re reading this and you pray, please pray for me.
On a side note, I’m moving again; I’m moving in with my sister to a 2-bedroom apartment. I might be without internet access for a few days, so if you leave any comments I won’t get them until I have access again.
DH
Dear God April 5, 2009
Posted by David Hiran Watson in About Me, Daily Life-Walk, Faith, God.Tags: Faith, God, life, struggles, Superchic[k]
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I’m going to take a page out of love, devi and style this post as a letter to God:
Dear God,
Tonight was pretty difficult; I’m sitting here at this moment listening to “Courage” by Superchic[k] and I have two questions to ask you. First, for those dealing with hurting and pain and difficulty, what difference does believing in you make? You and I both know that both questions arose in me earlier tonight while traveling home on the TTC. We also chatted about them at that time – well, more like I voiced them to you and then focused on the music coming out of my mp3 player. But I’m recounting them now both for the sake of anyone reading this, and because writing it this way is part of the healing (answering) process.
So back to the first question; if you recall I thought of the Footprints poem, and the line about how when there was one set of footprints, it was you carrying the dreamer. But I realized that both non-Christians and Christians get through hard times. (For those reading, I use those two terms in the traditional sense of the words). For example, a non-Christian, when confronted with losing a loved one, will experience the pain and loss. They will shed tears, go through the whole grieving process, and move on. Eventually the pain from the loss will completely cease, or at least subside to almost ‘background noise’. How is that any different from a Christian who turns to you during the grieving process for help? Alright, I admit that perhaps they will have a shorter grieving period, and there is also the prospect of hope that they will see the loved one in Heaven (should the loved one have been a Christian as well). But, in my eyes, there is no major ‘advantage’ to turning to you during the grieving process.
Or let’s look at another example: someone who is struggling with a difficult time, such as breaking an addiction. There is a lot of pain and hurt and hardship associated with an addiction – whether you’re the addicted one or someone you love is the addicted one – and breaking an addiction. My “church” upbringing tells me the ‘right’ answer to this scenario: my trusting you gives me your strength and invites you into the situation. But many who don’t trust you, who perhaps are not Christians, break addictions. Many who don’t trust you have their families healed and restored back from the damaging effects of an addiction.
Don’t get me wrong God, I’m not saying I don’t trust you or that I don’t want to trust you. Until recently, I struggled with the whole “If God is loving, why does He let us go through difficult times, etc” issue. I finally fully understand why your letting us go through hard times IS an act of love – I understand and believe. Of course it’s only because you broke through and made the intellectual understanding become heart understanding. My current struggle is, therefore, not why are people going through hard times. Rather, it’s whether trusting in you during our struggles makes any major difference? Honestly, I can’t see any major difference on the surface between someone who trusts in you and someone who doesn’t while they are going through a rough patch. Eventually both the person who trusts in you, and the one who doesn’t, gets through the rough patch and does so seemingly victorious and stronger for it. Yes, there are exceptions to the rule. But those exceptions exist, as far as I am aware, in both camps. Perhaps any major difference exists underneath the surface…
DH
God IS February 20, 2009
Posted by David Hiran Watson in Daily Life-Walk, Faith, God.add a comment
So, anyone who has interacted with me over the past 2-3 months will vouch for the fact that I have been struggling in my faith, and my relationship with God. I am not going to go into all the details, but suffice to say that my journey over the past few years of working through some deep issues that arose through my childhood has seemed to take on a cyclic path over the past 1-2 years specifically. Cyclical meaning a cycle of highs and lows, where, during the high cycles, I go through a time period of being close to God and, as a result, having greater success in dealing with the deep issues. In the low cycles, I still walk with God, but have decided some aspect of the struggle is too much to bear, and set a threshold on how close I allow myself to draw to God. In other words, I stagnate to a degree in my faith. This usually happens because I start focusing on the struggle itself a little bit too much. Throughout this process, God is still guiding me and (patiently and faithfully) helping me work through the issues. The counselor I’m seeing is one of the ways God does this.
Anyway, getting back to the point of this post, these past few months I have been in a low cycle. Again, without going into full details, I was, through a combination of struggling with sin, getting angry and blaming God, and picking at the scabs of my own pain, stagnating in my faith. Essentially, I loved God and had a relationship with Him, but I did not surrender to Him, allowing myself to believe that it was not safe to do so.
Tonight God broke through all of the farce and walls, and suddenly gave me a experiential revelation that it is safe to surrender to Him, because HE IS SAFE! I love it when God does that – breaks through all the mud and mire to shine His light and truth. He had actually been laying the building blocks to this moment of revelation for the past week or so, ever since the SI incident last Thursday (Feb. 12).
I do want to thank God for this moment, and His putting up with my selfishness. I also want to thank Him for the Christian brothers and sisters I have talked to within the past week; I am eternally grateful to them.
DH
How He Loves December 8, 2008
Posted by David Hiran Watson in God, Lyrics, Music.Tags: God's love
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Title: How He Loves
Artist: John Mark Mcmillan
Album: The Song Inside the Sounds of Breaking Down
Verse 1:
He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realise just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me
Pre-Chorus:
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
Chorus 1:
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves
Verse 2:
We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way…
Chorus 2:
He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves
DH
From The Inside Out December 3, 2008
Posted by David Hiran Watson in God, Lyrics, Music.Tags: Hillsong United, United We Stand
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Title: From The Inside Out
Artist: Hillsong United
Album: United We Stand
A thousand times I’ve failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I’m caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing you praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
DH
Ways to deliberate December 2, 2008
Posted by David Hiran Watson in About Me, Daily Life-Walk, God, Relationships.Tags: About Me, God, my blog
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I’m not sure what to write yet…I think at times I just like typing – it’s very soothing for me. I think I know what I’ll write on – the book study I was a part of today. But first, that initial sentence might seem a strange way to start a post, and you might be wondering why I did not just delete that sentence once I knew what to write on? I think the answer to that is partially related to who I am and what this blog is to/for me.
For those who know me, I am someone who hides aspects of myself, and will open those areas up only when I feel completely comfortable. I suppose we are all like that to some degree or another. For myself, mostly because I have felt burned in the past when sharing and expressing certain areas of who I am and my personality, I tend to express those areas only when I am by myself or around individuals/small groups I feel safe in. You could say I have been operating under the “once bitten, twice shy” principle in these areas.
When I started this blog, I wanted to use it to express myself. I quickly came to a point where I was filtering in my mind what I would post on, and that filter was set to only allow subjects that did not ‘expose’ those aspects of myself I wanted to hide. I believe I mentioned something to this affect in a previous post, but I have consciously decided that I don’t want to intentionally filter out those aspects of myself, both in my posts and (more and more as I’m able to by God’s grace) in life interaction.
This is my lengthy way of saying that the initial sentence is tied to one of those aspects. In particular, it is one of the ways I walk with God. I will talk out and express what I am feeling or thinking as part of the decision-making process. For example, if God tells me to go to a location, and I do, I will usually say out loud, “Ok Lord, what now?”. Or if I am in the middle of an activity and I get hungry, I might say out loud, “I’m starting to feel hungry; should I go eat something?”, and deliberate from that question. The point is that I, for some reason, feel more comfortable to deliberate out loud even if it means saying out loud all the thoughts and feelings going through me, akin to a running commentary.
So I don’t have time now to post on the book study – have my church’s worship team practice. I will try and write about the study later tonight or tomorrow.
DH
Reflection on my day… December 1, 2008
Posted by David Hiran Watson in Daily Life-Walk, Education, Faith, God.Tags: depression, email, how God works, university
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Today has been a hard day; I am definitely still battling depression or at the least, depressive thoughts. Ever since going to uni, back in 2001, I developed and battled depression. There have been good and bad times, highs and lows, and I must say that 2008 on the whole has been both a high and low year. It has not been the lowest year I have had, but it has been one of the highest. Looking back on this battle, I am amazed at the faith God had and has produced in me. The process is still continuing, but throughout the battle I have never stagnated or backslid from God. In fact, He has been the o/One I have consistently turned to. It is like having a friend who is always right beside you. I did not always “pray” in the traditional sense, but I would instinctively talk to God whenever my mood changed or I was stressed or trying to figure things out or, in general, needed to express myself. I have to say “thank You” to God for His faithfulness!
Coming back to today, I was quite down and out this morning. After meeting with my counselor I some new perspective on the jumble of thoughts and feelings racing through me. The rest of the day has been a time of God ministering to me, giving me back my hope; hope that He is in charge and holds me in His hand. I love how God knows exactly what you need and gives that to you. Even that last sentence God reminded me of through His ministering: I was checking my email just before writing this post, and a friend of mine had sent me a forward about how it is God’s job to supply my needs according to HIS riches, and to make me happy. The forward was not saying that God is some kind of genie, but that as His child, it is not my job to try and keep myself happy via things or other people. Instead, I need to trust God and let Him take care of me.
DH
Presence and Power of God February 26, 2009
Posted by David Hiran Watson in Church, God.Tags: Church, God, Social Commentary
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Pastor Brendan Witton, senior pastor of Church Without Limits just posted the following at his blog. The post is titled All we can do is give them a hug…”.
I finally finished Pursuit of the Holy by Cory Russell… a really good read.
Here is another quote that just hit me:
“We are spiritually barren. We don’t have the knowledge of God and we don’t have the fear of the LORD and only a few are even in pursuit of these things. Our churches and cities and families are not turning back to God. It doesn’t matter how many Bible Schools we have, how many church plants we have, or how many radio and television ministries we have. Our cities are not turning back to God. In fact they appear to be going the opposite direction. When those who are dying, sick, troubled, hurting, addicted, abused and abandoned show up at the doors of the Church, we are not able to help them. We can’t heal, deliver, cure or comfort them. It takes the power of God to do that. And we don’t have the power of God, the presence of God or the knowledge of God. All we can do is give them a hug, sign them up for a home group and hope for the best. Things will not get better because we use the latest evangelism method or create a better radio commercial, because at the end of the day, only the presence and power of God can affect eternity.” (pg. 128)
DH