Feelin’ low September 15, 2009
Posted by David Hiran Watson in Everyday Life.Tags: 24, Switchfoot, twitter
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Listening to “24″ by Switchfoot right now. I think I’m in a “feeling emotionally low and spiritually at a loss” state right now. I also think either my computer is slowing down or the internet connection is slow right now. It took me three-quarters of the song to go to my blog, sign in, and start this post! Actually I restarted the song – I didn’t want to change my frame of mind by changing the song.
Anyway, that’s it for this post; if you follow me on Twitter (@dEhiN), you’ll see that my last tweet was about how I’m feeling low but also tired and was deciding on whether to work out my emotional state or sleep. Well it looks like I’m entertaining the emotional side of my being right now.
DH
Random Thoughts III August 21, 2009
Posted by David Hiran Watson in Random Thoughts.add a comment
Is hope deferred always a good thing? To put it another way, is it possible that sometimes when hope is deferred, it would have been better to have had the hope realized right away? I know that, for myself at least, there are times where the deferred hope (be it in the form of a dream, expectation, desire, want, etc.) turns or threatens to turn into a hope lost or a hope crushed. What about when we bring God into the picture, and when the Holy Spirit is the O/one asking us to wait and trust? Perhaps when God initiates a putting off of realizing hope, and a perseverance and patience in the meanwhile, it is not possible for that hope to turn into a crushed or lost hope? If so, perhaps this is because when God is involved, and more so when He is the initiator, His purity and goodness is brought into the situation? Following the same logic, then the times when my deferred hope threatens to turn into crushed hope, it isn’t God who has asked me put off realizing that hope, but other factors. The greatest factor, apart from God, I can think of is the daily struggle of good vs. evil in life. There is a song by a Christian band, called “Delirious”, with the lyrics in the chorus as follows: Gravity is pulling me, but heaven is calling me. So, perhaps the times when my hope deferred threatens to turn into lost hope, it is the battle of heaven vs. gravity that is the initiator?
DH
Random Thoughts II August 15, 2009
Posted by David Hiran Watson in Random Thoughts.add a comment
Is there still a place in this world for the generosity of spirit Jesus lived and exhibited? I was going to post on this about a week ago, but decided not to at the time. But it seems to me that whether you’re among Christians, or non-Christians, it’s all the same: the person who seeks to live genuinely unselfishly gets shot down and worn out, and the worst part is, by both his fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, as well as those of this world. Even worse is that sometimes it’s actually others who are not siblings in Christ who recognize the generosity of spirit within such an individual and seeks to respond in kind. Are we as God’s children so blind? Why is it so hard to live with the following priority list: God first, others second, myself last? Isn’t that what Jesus exemplified? I’m not even expecting any human being to live that priority list perfectly while on Earth, since Jesus was the only perfect human (was referring to when He walked this Earth). But can we not even try to live that way? Perhaps there are those that do try and live such a way.
I understand now why Isaiah thought he was the only one left in all of Israel serving God (see 1 Kings 18-19). It makes me so upset, sad, angry and frustrated all at once, when I think of how those of us who are the body Christ should be the first, en masse, to be generous of spirit and loving to the infinite degree, and yet we many times fall so short. I’m not upset and angry because I, and my fellow siblings, are not perfect. I am upset and angry because it seems to me that many times we are not even trying! Why was it that Isaiah was coming from a people who were supposed to be God’s people, and yet there was only him and seven thousand in all Israel who hadn’t turned away from following God (1 Kings 19:18)?
All I know is that I praise God He is faithful and keeps me; else I would have let my soul and spirit grow selfish and hard to fit in with the rest of the world, and what many times seems like those of Christendom! But perhaps I am being too harsh and sarcastic; perhaps many of my siblings are like me, where they are trying to exemplify the love Jesus showed, but they fall just like I do. I just wish we (myself included) had the grace of God within us to be able to recognize and admit to one another when we fall. I should stop now because I’m losing my cohesive train of thought.
DH
Revelations at 4:30 in the morning! August 9, 2009
Posted by David Hiran Watson in Faith, Gifts / Talents.Tags: gifts, God, intercession, morning, spirituality
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I’ve been thinking and reflecting on intercession lately, especially tonight. My biggest (spiritual) gift is that of an intercessor’s heart. We, the children of God, are all called to intercede. But in the same way we are all called to evangelize, and there are some given the gift of evangelism, so it is with intercession. As far as I can tell, having it given to you as a gift generally means you have more of a heart tuned to that need, that frequency, even more so than others do. Or perhaps it’s not so much even more so, but even more consistently than those who don’t have the gift.
Well, as I mentioned already, I’ve been reflecting on intercession and spiritual sensitivity to the deep needs of others – the very things they don’t share – and the spiritual atmosphere of any environment. Tonight I think God just gave me a new revelation about intercession: interceding, or standing in the gap, for someone can involve just being and not doing.
I have two good friends of mine, a brother in Christ and a sister in Christ, who have been heavy on my heart tonight. If you’ve read any of my previous posts you can probably guess who they are, as they are engaged and they are the leaders of PalmSway.
Yesterday – August 9 – PalmSway had an opportunity to play at a concert at Asaiah Ministries Church, in the Cataraqui area in Scarborough. After the concert, these two friends of mine and I, as we headed back to our church to set up the equipment we had used for the concert, had an opportunity to chat about spiritual things. The bible talks about “as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another”, and that was the type of fellowship and conversation that occurred.
Since that time – actually beginning partway through that time of fellowship – these two were laid on my heart in an intercessory manner. In fact, much of the reason I’m still up at 4:30 in the morning is because I’ve been wrestling with what exactly has been laid on my heart, and what I am to do with it. Praise God there have been times of prayer and intercession even tonight for these two friends. But the sense I get regarding what has been laid upon me is that this is not a one-time prayer regarding something specific in a person’s life. Coming back to my point, as I was wrestling with what to do, and attempting some actions to prepare the atmosphere (to enter into prayer and worship), God struck me with the revelation I mentioned. Needless to say the actions I attempted were not fully working as I kept hitting a certain ‘wall’, which I believe was God stopping me from proceeding in a manner I wasn’t supposed to (at least not tonight).
So Father God I ask for Your guidance Holy Spirit in learning to just be and sit pregnant as it were with an intercessory burden. I pray to know when to move and act and when to sit. I pray for the discernment and understanding to see the intercession occurring in both states – the action and the non-action. Thank You. Amen.
DH
New perspective on life July 28, 2009
Posted by David Hiran Watson in Daily Life-Walk.add a comment
For my readers who don’t know, I’m involved in a Christian band called PalmSway. The band is actually meant to be part of a ministry, started up by two friends of mine – Gabriel and Mishkah – and myself. The three of us all go to the same church, and God gave them the idea to start PalmSway back in 2007, and after they shared the idea with me, I felt God’s call to be a part of it as a leader. On a side note, the ministry is called PalmSway Worship Ministries, and the purpose of the ministry is to share God’s love through the various mediums of the arts. PSWM is meant to be an umbrella ministry, under which there are both individuals and teams associated with PSWM who minister through the arts. The teams are generally considered a direct ministry (or sub-ministry) of PSWM, while individual artists can be considered associated with PSWM. For example, there is a PalmSway Worship Band, which consists of Gabriel, Mishkah, myself, and several others. We practice and play in both worship settings and concert settings (whether at a church or non-religious venue).
How does this all relate to the title of this post? Well, this past weekend, PalmSway Worship Band was invited to lead the worship at a prayer conference out of town. The conference was amazing, and extremely spiritually high. Even though there was a structure and plan, throughout the weekend God led us according to His plan for the weekend. It was interesting to see the various attempts made by Satan to get us sidetracked, but God by His Spirit kept us unified (us being both PSWB and all those in attendance at the conference). There were times of intense worship, times of teaching that really spoke to me (and it seemed many others as well), and times of prayer ministry by the pastors/apostles who were leading the conference.
The conference ended on Saturday, and much of the band members ended up helping lead worship at my church on Sunday. I say this because even though the conference ended, the spiritual high was perpetuated at church Sunday morning and evening, and throughout the afternoon.
However, coming out of the weekend, as I went to sleep yesterday, I was not sure what would happen in regard to the changes and growth and intensity of experiences and feelings. Like most Christians, I find that after a spiritual retreat of any sort, life tends to pull you back down in such a contrasting way to the time of retreat. What tends to happen is that after even a few days (!), let alone a week, the experiences of the retreat seem like a lifetime away. The growth and changes seem to rescind, either completely, or partially. I for one find it extremely frustrating. Any desires on my part that sprung up during the conference to connect deeper with God seemed to fade even today as I went about my day!
All of that changed, however, when I read a post by a friend of mine entitled Journey and Destination. My friend – Greg – was blogging his thoughts on a post by a friend of his, entitled Training vs. Trying. The ideas of both posts are the same: seeing life as a journey versus seeing life as a destination. I’m not going to explain in further detail the content of the two posts – I encourage you to read them before you continue reading below, unless you are already familiar with the ideas expressed in the post titles.
I have to say I was, and am, greatly encouraged to think that life is about the journey, about training to be like God as opposed to trying to be like God. When life is about the journey, about training to be like God, the experiences I had at the conference effect my continued experiences going forward. Instead of the conference being a destination, a point in time that is now over and therefore has no direct relevance to the present, the conference is a point in time that I can build upon. Instead of me having to try and appropriate the desires, the growth, the changes and experiences of the whole weekend onto who I am now, and onto my days going forward, I can use the weekend as the next building block/brick in my journey of life.
It is still possible, even with this outlook on life, to not build upon the existing bricks in my life properly, and as it were waste those bricks. Yet, in many senses, those bricks are still not a waste. To put this more concretely, even if I should fail to consistently, daily spend time with God, the weekend’s experiences are not wasted. It is true that the bricks laid over the weekend would be put to much better use, as a foundation, if I continue to spend time with God and practice the growth that occurred. Yet, nothing I do can ever fully negate or erase the bricks laid over the weekend. Praise God!
This is definitely a perspective that I will have to practice viewing intentionally, until it becomes a part of me. Yet, I am now encouraged that no good experience in life can be completely wasted.
DH
My first released song July 22, 2009
Posted by David Hiran Watson in About Me, Music.Tags: Music Production, SoundClick
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I finally finished (producing) and released my first song. I actually prefer the term music track, as song connotes a music piece with lyrics, whereas my song is an instrumental piece. Actually, the site I have created my artist page on - SoundClick – has a bunch of sub-genres listed under instrumental as instrumentals are getting quite popular.
Anyway, you can check out the song here – http://www.soundclick.com/dehin. You can also purchase the song for download. I plan to release a cd sampler over the next few months, and will be uploading new songs as I finish them. So, if you like what you hear, check back every so often to check out the latest tracks.
DH
2 months and counting… July 22, 2009
Posted by David Hiran Watson in About Me.Tags: personal growth
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So it’s been 2 months since I moved in with my sister, and I have to say “Praise God!”. Things are going great! My cuts (refer to previous post) are healing well. But more importantly my concerns about moving in with my sister were proven unfounded. We both relate as two adults who are brother and sister to each other. There are obviously times where we rub each other the wrong way, but even in those times she and/or I are generally good at broaching the topic and clearing the dust.
In addition, it’s good to be in a place I feel is my home. I’m finding that my ‘home-caring’ skills are developing. I’m still a guy and therefore will not be as concerned with how things are at home (ie, appearance, cleanliness, keeping track of household items) as my sister. But I am finding myself genuinely interested in keeping track of some of these things, such as making sure the house is clean, etc.
So, here’s to increased maturity and growth!
DH
Victory! May 30, 2009
Posted by David Hiran Watson in About Me, Daily Life-Walk, God.Tags: close friends, God's love, moving, SI
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I know it’s been a while since I posted, but I wanted to share what happened tonight and the past couple of days. For those of you who don’t know, one of the struggles I have is with SI – self-injury. To put it bluntly, I cut myself. I had two incidents last year, and three so far this year. I alluded to the first one in a previous post. I had two incidents over the past two days – one Thursday (May 28) night, and the other Friday (May 29) evening. In total I cut myself 26 times on each forearm.
I’m confessing all of this to say the following: God is SO loving and amazing! I shared what I did with three close friends, brothers and sister in Christ – Gabe, Mish, and Bryant. Later in the evening, God set up a meeting with Bryant, Gabe, my pastor, and myself. And through the meeting God spoke to me, showing me what I’ve been doing to myself, what I’ve been allowing to go in my life, and what needs to happen going forward for healing. There was a lot of prayer: my brothers prayed over me, and I prayed to the Father. It’s so precious to me how we can come to God as we are!
Through the prayers and counseling, it came to light that what has been going on in my life has been a spiritual battle. I say it came to light because although I’ve known that I’m in a spiritual battle, I didn’t put two and two together in regard to the depression and the negative thoughts. It didn’t connect in my mind that I’ve been tormented by a demonic spirit trying to keep me focused on the past and the negativity of disapproval. I needed to stop seeing God through the lens of my parents and who they are and how they interact with me, and see God for who He really is.
With the help of my brothers in Christ, I repented, rebuked the tormenting spirit(s), and humbled myself before God again. I have to say: it feels so relieving to humble myself before God. The weight just lifts right off my shoulders, knowing that God is in control again 
.
God, through Bryant, spoke after the prayers about my spirit-man, or inner man, and how I need to feed him and make him strong again. I know it’s not going to be easy though. In fact, sitting here in front of my computer, just before I wrote this post, I was tempted to cut again! Thankfully God spoke to Gabe and Bryant and got them to take the knives I was using away. Anyway, I’m going to end here. If you’re reading this and you pray, please pray for me.
On a side note, I’m moving again; I’m moving in with my sister to a 2-bedroom apartment. I might be without internet access for a few days, so if you leave any comments I won’t get them until I have access again.
DH
Random Thoughts April 18, 2009
Posted by David Hiran Watson in Random Thoughts.add a comment
As anyone who knows me offline or has read my previous posts already knows, I tend to contextualize almost everything. I suppose there are moments when the poignancy sought after lies in there being no contextualization taking place, but just the randomness of the moment. Personally, I just find it really, really hard to let a moment be that: random. Anyway, with all of that preamble, I’m going to start a series of posts called “Random Thoughts”. It’ll be my attempt at laying out a random, yet possibly poignant or philosophical, thought that I’m mulling over. I’ll also try to just state the thought, and at the most, add a little bit of post-amble. But please feel free to respond to the thought/post-amble in the comments. So here’s today’s thought:
What do you do with a heavy heart? With a heart that feels like it’s carrying the weight of the world – your life and all its problems, as well as everyone else’s life and all their problems?
DH
